i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize