I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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