you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
