I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
