some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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