She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
