this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
