The maid of honor just puked.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize