You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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