she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
