Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize