Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
