I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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