Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
