Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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