i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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