I CAN MOONWALK!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
