i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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