he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
