I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
