Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
