I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
