What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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