Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
