I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
