actually, I'm a sock model
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's just like the Real World with babies
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize