you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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