how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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