My first STD was from a foam party
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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