I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This is the high leading the old right now
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
