Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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