Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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