So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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