So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
