So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
