yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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