im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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