i just wanna soil my oats bro
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
