I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
