Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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