what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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