I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
