What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
