i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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