if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
