I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize