note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
