Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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