But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
