Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize