My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
