Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize