i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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