This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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