Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
