he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
