There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We got so high we made milksteak
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
