also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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