After last night, I could never be a politician.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize