how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
