fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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