I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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