i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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