Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
