you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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