We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
