people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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