I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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