New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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