how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
