I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
