I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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