maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
